Understanding How to Date Someone with Autism

Autism (Autism Spectrum Disorder ASD) is a lifelong developmental condition, which is probably passed down through DNA genes and which is incurable. Within ASD anxiety and social interaction is difficult. ASD is more prevalent among boys.

• Taking time to fully understand things
• Anxiety with situations, and loud noises
• Inability to understand how people think or feel
• Eye contact is often difficult
• A person with Autism has a different type of brain

There are many successful partnerships with autistic people and those who choose to marry and have a family and are usually happy, however they may experience difficulties as quite often an Autistic person will be unable to express their full feelings and emotions so difficulties may occur. Everyone with Autism will experience different effects from the conditions but mostly they will be based around emotions and feelings and often with a feeling of being isolated and detached.

You need to have very clear language when in conversation with an Autistic person and they may need to stick to their own routines therefore you need to be patient. Their behaviour can often be perceived as hurtful but it’s usually unintended. If you reason slowly and carefully and reassure them then things will gradually work out. Most Autistic relationships have their ups and downs like any other, but you just need to know from the start that you’re in a different kind of relationship that needs continual working at.

Like everyone else in society most people wish to have romance and a relationship so being Autistic is no different however, there are aspects you need to understand before dating an Autistic person. They won’t readily hug or kiss you and won’t understand your emotions and they will probably feel claustrophobic. However, this is all part of the condition.

Being highly sensitive they can’t readily show emotions but they do have empathy, however small talk is difficult, if not impossible for them, therefore an initial meeting may prove hard work. Stay with it as you’ll be surprised, and who knows, eventually you may find a special friend.

Due to AS being an invisible condition many find an initial date very challenging work and very emotionally draining but if you understand they are coming from a different angle, and accept that, then dating can be fun. Never think of what others say about Autism as you can easily work around feelings. But you have to remember, that whilst you may need a cuddle he may need his distance.

Each date can bring new challenges so remember if he wants to talk about himself then let it flow. It may be hard to begin with but understanding that his social skills set is on a different level and learning all the little hidden identities are all part of the learning curve. Small talk may prove impossible but try to get on a subject that interests him and always try to be honest in a situation, and never brag or joke as it probably won’t be appreciated.

ASD is less common in women and Autism can often be overlooked. In one survey a woman quoted, ‘It feels like all my senses are firing at once, at great speed, and I’m not in control.’ They tend to hide their feelings and therefore are more vulnerable than men with the same condition.

There are several dating sites to check out, however why not begin with a new dating app recently launched and aimed at over 70 million users within the ASD spectrum. Everything is user-friendly and is a helpful platform enabling people to build relationships. There are several websites worth looking at but try Tendermeets.com as it’s compiled by people ON the spectrum FOR people on the spectrum and is totally unique. Dating websites can prove a huge minefield but Spectrum Singles fully understand all dating concerns and the ground-breaking website brings together the same community, offering a personal touch every step of the way. It focuses on a compatibility test, blogs, and is fully secure throughout at only around $10 per month membership.

Any date can prove a mind blowing undertaking so you need to think about somewhere appropriate to take your ASD date. Never go on a first date to a rowdy club or bar as they’ll panic, and more especially if there are bright flashing lights. A quiet environment is best and somewhere where you can sit quietly and get to know each other. Just going for a simple walk in a park or by a river is a great idea, or go window shopping as that’s a great way to get to know what your date likes, and you could round it off with a quiet drink in a non-crowded café. If you’re lucky enough to be walking along a beach, then buy an ice-cream and chat away while enjoying the views. Always ask what he/she would like to do on the date, never use force or insist on going to a certain place as they may become anxious.

As with any important appointment a romantic date has key rules too. Never be late and don’t overdress. Keep things low key, and never just talk about yourself. Give your date the space he/she needs to allow the situation to become comfortable. Don’t split the bill it will complicate things, and listen all the time to what your ASD date has to offer and never try to solve any of their problems unless they ask for your input. Be interesting in conversation, and allow give and take and understand that ASD feelings will be quite different from yours.