Peculiarities of Dating an Introvert

If this is your first time actually being in a relationship with an introvert, you’re certainly in for a surprise! Forget the constant parties & nights out on the town—introverts definitely don’t like that very much. That said, try not to get disheartened. Dating an introverted partner is actually a rewarding experience as long as you’re willing to adjust & compromise on some things. The main difference between introvert and extrovert people is the amount of socialization each individual can handle. Although 75% of the population is more than content with always going out drinking with friends, hanging in loud bars, & constantly being surrounded by people, the other 25% actually find peace by themselves. Although when you define introvert scientifically, it is the person whose intentions and thinking are directed into their inner world and being, not to an outside perspective like it is with extroverts. While dating slowly may be a new experience for you, it truly is a nice change from your usual extrovert partners. Of course, there are definitely some things to know about dating an introvert to make sure the connection is successful, so here’s how to date an introvert (as an extrovert)!

Let’s go over some personality traits of an introvert. Although they certainly aren’t universal traits for each introvert (and extrovert stereotypes exist too!), you’ll most likely notice these various traits in your introvert partner.

They:

• Always prefer to spend time alone, as opposed to in crowds.

• Only have a few close friends

• Don’t enjoy working in groups

• Take time to process information before actually making a decision

• Find spending time in social gathering tiring (most introverts need to recharge after a night out)

While these are definitely common characteristics of introverts, personalities vary by person, so they may not all apply to your significant other. That said, what an introvert needs in a relationship is probably much different than what you’re used to, so you may be wondering, “can introverts and extroverts be in a relationship?” The answer is yes, definitely! It will just require a bit of extra effort for both parties. However, with proper communication & a mutual understanding of each individual’s needs, introverts and extroverts can certainly make the perfect couples.

Although it isn’t possible to be too introverted for a relationship, it definitely IS possible to be too introverted for YOUR relationship. Ultimately, the success of your relationship requires communication & understanding between both partners. While dating a quiet, reserved, mild introvert might actually work out well, you may find that dating a strong introvert is simply too much to handle. To figure out if your relationship will work, you’ll actually need to determine what your needs are first & what you’re actually willing to give up. Do you need to go out every night? Do you always expect instant responses whenever you send a text? You’ll also need to consider your partner’s needs. Do they need lots of alone time? Are they OK going out in crowds on occasion? How often are they willing to communicate? Considering all these factors will definitely help you figure out if you’ll last as a couple. Unfortunately, the reason many introvert/extrovert relationships don’t work out is because both parties just jump into the relationship instead of thinking about their personal needs.

There are always some important things to know about someone before dating them, & personality type is definitely one of them. While it’s extremely easy to fall in love if you actually fall in love with the wrong person, that always makes your impending breakup harder on both parties. During the early stages of dating, you should closely observe your partner to figure out how comfortable they are in social situations. Who are you dating? It’s important to know if your partner is introverted. What an introvert needs in a relationship is different from the extroverted partners you may be used to, who were most likely fine with consistent partying & meetups with friends. Although being in a relationship with an introvert can be extremely rewarding, it’s certainly not for everyone. Still, if you’re willing to put in the time, effort, and compromise, here are some helpful tips for dating an introvert.

Respect Boundaries

Dating for introverts can definitely be an extremely stressful experience, especially if their partner is constantly pushing them into situations where they’re not comfortable. Although you may always feel at home in the midst of a party, chances are your significant other does not. It’s crucial that you always have a talk about your individual boundaries. What sacrifices are you willing to make to please them, and which things are simply off the table? Defining these ahead of time is always important, & it will save you a lot of pointless arguments in the future. Although it may be tempting, avoid pushing these boundaries. You wouldn’t like it if your significant other completely shut you out; essentially, your partner is feeling the same amount of discomfort by you, including them in conditions where they definitely don’t desire to be.

Take the initiative and Ask Questions

Ever wondered how to make an introvert talk? It’s simple—ask a question! Introverts, by nature, won’t speak until spoken to unless they have something important to bring up (and I can tell as I am an introvert myself). If your introverted partner isn’t speaking very much, don’t take offense to this. They simply don’t see the need. However, if they feel like you actually want to know something, they are more likely to share their inner thoughts with you! Of course, too much of a good thing can easily be a bad thing. While communication in a relationship is important, constantly asking them questions can be draining on your partner. You should definitely establish how much banter they can handle and always stick within these boundaries. If you overdo it, your partner will be uncomfortable & unhappy—you certainly don’t want that! Don’t forget, you can also talk to them as well. Don’t think just because they aren’t talking that you can’t bring something up. Introverts are actually great listeners, so enjoy the audience & get a well-informed second opinion on the issues that matter to you.

Be Ready to Compromise

If you’re wondering how to date an introverted man (or woman) with the highest chance of success, the key is in compromise! Don’t worry—this actually goes both ways! You don’t have to stress about giving up your valued nights out or never seeing your friends again, & your partner doesn’t have to worry about being forced to parties they don’t want to attend or being shoved into a crowd. Obviously, you both have needs, so it’s important to have a frank discussion on what you regularly need to stay sane. While you may need to always go out every Friday to manage, your partner may only be able to handle going out once a month without getting overly stressed. This is OK—you’re both independent individuals! Social events actually provide the perfect chance for both of you. Your introverted partner will most likely want some alone time, so they actually don’t need to go to the event. You, on the other hand, obviously crave socializing, so you can go to the party. As long as your relationship has enough trust for you to spend some time apart, this should definitely be a suitable arrangement for most situations.

Accept Moments of Silence with Grace

Introverts are always quiet people, and this means they may stay quiet for a long time. From their standpoint, there’s nothing to say, so why waste time with meaningless small talk? While this may initially seem rude to you (and take some getting used to), it’s important to realize that they’re actually not doing it to offend you—they simply don’t think it adds any value to the moment. If your partner is being quiet, then it’s certainly OK to ask them if they’re thinking about something or need help. If they say no or don’t want help, quietly and steadily by your actions and behavior, demonstrate you’re there when needed & give them the space they want. Take these moments of silence as a blessing, and use them to listen to music, watch videos, or go on social media while your partner has their quiet time.

Plan Appropriate Dates

If there’s any important introvert relationship advice we can impart to you, it’s definitely this: plan appropriate dates! Obviously, the purpose of a date is for you both to spend time together doing a mutually enjoyable activity. The activity doesn’t always have to be a social one; in fact, many of the “romantic” dates like picnics or late-nights on the beach don’t involve many (if any) other people, making them the perfect date to take your introvert partner on! Of course, this definitely doesn’t mean that you can’t do more traditional dates like going out to eat or watching a movie—just take the number of people present into account. If you’re going out for dinner, try to choose a place that you know will have a minimal amount of patrons. If you’re going to the movies, consider going to a later showing or trying out a drive-thru if you have one in the area. Drive-thrus are perfect because you get the full experience of the movie theater, but your partner chooses how much (or how little) they have to interact with other people.

We all make mistakes; it’s part of being human. The point is to learn from your mistakes. Your partner will certainly appreciate the effort, and it’s a straightforward pass to demonstrate their value to you without actually doing anything. Here are some of the common mistakes extroverts make with their introverted partners.

• Refusing to compromise. Compromise is a pillar to any successful relationship. If you’re not willing to work with your partner to ensure that they feel comfortable, why should they do the same for you?

• Interpreting being aloof in a relationship as neglect. Dating an introvert always comes with a lot of “quiet time.” Do not perceive it as that your boyfriend or a girlfriend wishes you gone, or they’re purposely ignoring you; they are simply deep in thought and used to the silence.

• Not communicating enough. Just because your partner doesn’t like social interaction doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to them. It’s important that you communicate with your partner on a regular basis, but remember, communication isn’t always verbal. Little things like holding their hand or simply giving them a hug can definitely go a long way while being in a relationship with an introvert.

• Expecting long conversations right from the get-go. Introverts are quiet people, so you shouldn’t expect them to spill their guts on the first date. They’re more likely to simply sit & listen to you talk, and that’s OK. Even though the date may be a bit different for you, chances are they’ll still have a good time.

• Forcing your partner to “go out more.” You can’t force someone to change who they are. Trying to is wrong on a multitude of levels, but above all, it’s just down-right inconsiderate. You should never push your partner beyond their boundaries.

Dating an introvert is hard, and loving an introvert can be even harder. It’s because of these challenges that many introverts actually don’t feel like dating (so they don’t even try!). If you have an introverted partner who’s willing to put in the effort to maintain a healthy relationship with you, you should do the same. The benefits far outweigh the minor setbacks!